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DaveCofell.Com!!!
The ESSAY for 2009 "Time Slips away so fast!"
Art and its Effect When I first read this topic on Dave's website, the first thing that popped into my head was the work of Michelangelo Buonarotti. His sculptures and paintings have long been favorites of mine and I hope to visit Florence and Rome someday to see some of his works in person. However, an event occurred about two months ago that made me rethink my choice. I got a call from the wife of my youngest son. She told me that he was acting very strange and had started posting some disconnected ramblings on the Microsoft My Space website and on some mental health group sites that Microsoft sponsors. I went to those sites and what I saw and read there literally made goose bumps rise on my skin. He had downloaded a number of Geiger pictures like the ones that inspired the creation of the creature in the movie "Alien". The picture that disturbed me most, however, was this one:
This is a man in Hell. He is on fire, sitting in the mouth of a beast, with demons and insects besetting him from every side. The hopelessness in his posture shows that he has given up, that he expects no mercy or relief. Anyone that has children, that cares about those children, regardless of their age, could not stand knowing that this was the way that their child saw their life – an endless siege of pain with no hope of any change. I have had my moments of despair and depression but never felt anything like this. I knew that I could not stand by and let this continue. I went to Fort Worth, Texas where my son and his family live to see what I could do. Things had reached a crisis point by the time I arrived. My son went to hide in the back yard when I got there. His wife and I decided to leave him alone for a while until we had a chance to talk about what options were available. While we were doing that, the police arrived. Someone on one of the websites my son had been posting on grew very concerned about some of the things he had said in his ramblings about hurting his children and called the police to check things. The officers were very nice but were insistent on checking things out. We went into the back yard and found my son, sitting on a bench, shaking uncontrollably. All he could say was, "But I haven’t done anything wrong!!", in response to the police being there. That was the deciding factor. I got him to get off the bench and we put him in the car and left for Baylor Medical Center, where we checked him in for evaluation. He was diagnosed as bipolar and put on medication that he probably will have to take for the rest of his life. He now has his good days and his bad days but no longer feels like the man in the picture. I can only hope that a way to cure this disorder is discovered someday. Until then, I will have to be on guard in case the man in the picture returns.
Dave McKinney
-the editor.
I think that the piece of Art that has touched my life the most is a drawing of a flower that was done by my youngest daughter. It is a wonderful example of her rapidly changing style. It was a one of a series she did, one for each member of the family. Underneath the drawing are the words “I love you dad.” I received a similar piece from each of her two sisters at about the same stage of development, and they also moved me very much. But this one is different because I know that this is the last one. It has been a really great thing watching these three wonderful people grow, and it continues to be. But they are gradually moving away from the dependant beings they were and while I love that they are doing things on their own now, I really didn’t mind them needing me that much. My youngest is now in first grade and starting to read and also write her own stories. She says that she wants to be an author someday and I really hope that she is. She has such a powerful imagination! The games that she plays always incorporate the characters from stories that we have been reading recently, so Aslan gets to interact with Bilbo and Harry Potter, Voldemort teams up with the White Witch. And she is the most powerful one of the entire cast. She really is. When she sits down and draws now it isn’t the colorful scribbles that decorated my life for a long time. Now there are faces and trees and flowers, suns and lakes and dragons. I can’t describe the pride I feel when she hands me one and I don’t have to guess what it is, I can tell by looking at it. When I read the words “I love you dad” beneath that flower it tells me that my littlest one loves me, and the knowledge that she created one for each member of her family also tells me that she knows that she is part of something, part of our family and that she is happy. This means the world to me. I haven’t given them many of the things that money can buy, but I have devoted the last 13 years to caring for my children. I have probably learned as much about myself as I have about them. Through them I have had a glimpse of the person I have become. Or I hope I have become. I knew nothing about children when we started to have them; I am the youngest of my siblings and the only babies I saw where neighbors’ offspring and I never was around them much. I thought I knew what Love was before I had children. Now I am fairly sure that what I thought Love was was only a reflection of Love. And perhaps what I feel now is still only a reflection, but it seems a lot clearer. I really have a lot to apologize for, so many stupid things I did and said along the road that got me to this point, and there are things that I cannot apologize for but wish I could. There are so many things that I have done that I wish I could undo. But at least there are a few things that I have done that I am not ashamed of, and truly and duly proud of. Becoming the husband of a wonderful woman and the parent of my three wonderful children, my three flowers, are foremost among those things. One of the greatest lessons they have all taught me is that I couldn’t have done any of it on my own, they are teaching me more each day. I feel that without them I am still something, but not nearly as much as I am with them. I look at the drawing that Maura made and I think “I am SO lucky!” And I am SO LOVED. What a wonderful gift this has all been, and each day it blooms again and larger and more beautiful. And Maura (and Emiliana and Leela and Monica), I love you, too!
Dave Cofell
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